My name is Kim Smith, I was raised in a home where my mom and step-dad would dress
my brother and myself up on a Sunday morning and drop us off at Sunday
school. They would then go and do their
own thing for the morning and fetch us once Sunday school was over. I remember later into my schooling years only
then did my parents start to attend church.
Even though we grew up in a “Christian” home, I never developed a
personal relationship with Jesus. I
never knew that I could have an intimate relationship with God our Father, the
Creator of all. The closest I came to
this understanding was when I attended a youth camp in Grade 9. By then I was up to my nostrils in bad
decisions, poor judgement and life time consequences. By the age of 19 my relationship with my parents had
deteriorated to almost nothing. I made
the decision to leave home and move in with my boyfriend. We started to party hard. The drink flowed like milk and honey in the
land of plentiful.
Very soon into our
new living arrangements, he started abusing me.
I was verbally, physically and mentally abused on a daily basis. On two occasions I tried to take my
life. Many a day I would plan on how to
escape my miserable life by way of suicide. Eventually I was a mother of two
precious daughters, living in an extremely abusive relationship. I had no self-respect, no desire to live, no
ambition, no sense of purpose, very low self-esteem. And I hated myself. I often thought that God was punishing
me. I often thought that if I could do X
then why would God give me a good life?
This was my lot in life. So very
sadly I believed this and so I settled into a hopeless, downward spiral of
surviving life.
Finally, at the age of 30, I left our abuser. That first year on my own was probably the
worst year of my life. I drank and cried
myself to sleep every night. Smoked like
a chimney and verbally abused my children.
Terrible, terrible time in my life.
The abused became the abuser. But
then, a good friend of mine, Jo, invited me to join him and his family at an
ALPHA banquet that was being held at NCF.
I still remember asking him if I could bring a bottle of wine to enjoy
with my free dinner. Jo’s brother was involved in the construction
of the new facility of NCF South site.
Jo’s brother had been invited to attend the ALPHA banquet and his
invitation was extended to whoever he wanted to invite. So he invited his siblings. Apparently someone in his party was unable to
attend, and Jo thought of inviting me.
At the banquet, I remember being very tender yet determined
that these Christian people weren’t going to force me into signing up for no
course. I remember sitting at dinner
thinking to myself that the only way I would sign up for this course was if it
had anything to do with my Anglican back-ground. Of course God had a plan. The speakers
opening words were, “Nicky Gumble of the Church of England.......”. Divine appointment. J So I signed up for the course. The
first couple of weeks I remember listening with a sceptics ear. Very soon my hard heart started to soften,
and so Jesus started gently massaging His love into my cold heart.
At the Holy Spirit weekend, I accepted Jesus as my personal
Saviour, forever changed, forever accepted by the King of Glory, who died for
my rotten sins. The same day I was
baptised in the Holy Spirit. Wow!!! I remember lying on the floor, sobbing my
heart out as God did open heart surgery on me.
In that moment, it was like everything that didn’t make sense, didn’t need
to make sense, it faded away. Jesus’
love was all I needed. I was in
love!! And I was loved!!
And so life began. I
once survived life from moment to moment.
I now live! I once was
hopeless. I now am filled with hope in
Jesus! I once was desperate to end the
sadness in me. I now have a plan and a
purpose. I have been healed in many
areas of my life and I am free in Jesus. - Kim Smith